Dad's View in the NICU: Tips & Support for Fatherhood in the NICU

Dads have such an important role in the NICU, but at times it can seem as if your role is secondary, as everyone around focuses on Mom and her recovery, needs, and emotions. Don't let this discourage you. Your role and support is vital to your baby's well-being.

You may find yourself feeling helpless and at a loss as to what to do. Strong and often contradictory emotions, such as anger and sadness, guilt and grief, helplessness and hope may be swirling through your head throughout the day. Stop and take a moment to acknowledge what you are feeling and just how difficult your situation is. Having a child in the NICU may be the hardest thing you ever face in your life, so now is not the time to try to do it all. Focus on what you can do to help yourself, your baby and your partner.

Helping Yourself

Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally can be a challenge while in the NICU but you'll be better prepared for your baby's care if you are at your best.

• Seek support: Make sure to seek support in some form that suits your needs. See if your NICU has a support group and consider attending. If not, find support from other parents online in groups like Papas of Preemies forum or Project Sweet Peas' parent match program. Most people you know have never experienced the NICU and they just can't relate to everything you are going through. Talking with others who are in the same situation as you can be very helpful. Be open and honest about your concerns and fears. If you don't feel comfortable in a support group setting, reach out to loved ones or a trusted professional.
• Nourish Your Body: Make sure to get adequate amounts of sleep, exercise regularly and nourish your body with healthy foods. This will help you recharge and relieve stress.
• Find a medium to express yourself: Many parents in the NICU find journaling a healthy way of expressing feelings. Others enjoy exercise or music. 
• Stay informed and seek resources: The more informed you feel about the NICU experience, the more confident you will be. Reach out to your baby's physicians, nurses or social workers to discuss your baby's care and to locate resources that may benefit your family. 
  
• Take a break: We know right now you might have many obligations (children at home, work hours, etc.) but taking a bit of time for yourself everyday is vital. Take 10 minutes to read a book, take a jog or just to reflect.

Helping Your Baby

Looking at your new baby hooked up to machines, looking so small and frail....this is not what you imagined fatherhood to look like. You may be extremely nervous about holding your baby, and participating in his/her care for fear of doing something wrong. Pay close attention to what the nurses are doing and ask lots of questions so you can feel confident about helping. They know that all parents are nervous about what to do, so no question will surprise them. Take notes if you need to or have them stay right there with you the first few times until you feel comfortable. The most important thing is not to the let opportunities pass you by. You will want to experience and remember these special moments.

Learn more about staying involved in your baby's care here.

Helping your Spouse or Partner

You may find yourself wondering just how Mom is able to handle everything -- and the secret is, she can't do it without a lot of help. Make sure you are helping take care of her so she is able to focus on your child as well. Some things that might help:

• If she is pumping breast milk for your baby, be supportive. Wash the pumping supplies and help label and store milk.
• Keep track of medical and insurance information. Help make some of the necessary phone calls to insurance companies, specialists, etc.
  
• Make sure the house, diaper bag and her purse is stocked with some quick, healthy snacks like granola bars, fruit and nuts. Eating on the run will be commonplace now, so having some healthy options close at hand is important.
• Take over some of the household chores or enlist help to get them done. Laundry, cleaning, running errands - these still need to be done. By taking some of these items off her to-do list, you ease her stress and worry immensely.
• Keep an open channel of communication with your partner. You and your partner may cope differently in the NICU experience. Make sure to stay connected to your partner during your stay and make decisions as a team. Having a harmonious relationship will give you and your partner some peace of mind.
• Be supportive of your partner's emotional needs. The NICU experience will be difficult for both of you. Make sure you both are understanding of one another's needs.
• Mom most likely will be recovering from labor and delivery. Offer to do the majority of the physical workload at home and in the NICU (lifting, carrying items, driving the car, etc.)
• Spend time with your other children at home or offer to stay in the NICU with your baby so Mom can go home to your other children. Your partner will appreciate knowing that your children are receiving the attention they need right now. 

Most of all, try to take one moment at a time and enjoy special moments and milestones with your family. Your baby has had a rough start to life and you have an integral role in her/his care. 

---